THIS MONTH'S FEATURE: 2 Newsletter Articles For August 2010

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Guidelines for Telling Children About a Separation

Dear Don,

My husband and I are separating. What's the best way to tell the children?

--On The Edge Click Here For Answer

 

 

Should I Date While Separated

Dear Don,

My wife and I are now separated. Our marriage got to be so troubled that our yelling and fighting was not good for the children. So, we decided to separate and cool down. It has been a month and things are calmer but no issues have been addressed. I have been contacted by an old high school girlfriend on facebook and she is moving close to my town. I would like to see her and spend time with her. Since we are separated, is it okay for me to date?--Just Wondering Click Here For Answer

 

What Is The Difference Between A Complaint And A Criticism?

I have a deep love in my heart for my wife. However, she says I am too critical of her. Truth is, I am so frustrated with her inconsiderate, passive-aggressive behavior that I feel like pulling out my hair. I don't know what is wrong with her. Her mother was the same way. She does this kind of stuff all the time. This morning I was greeted, once again, with a sink full of dishes she agreed to do last night before bed. I had to spend twenty minutes clearing them to be able to start my day, and I was late for work.

What should I do?

---At Wit's End   [Click Here For Answer]

 

The Hidden Grief Of The Short Sale

Due to an unexpected reduction in our income, my husband and I agreed we have to sell our family home which is, unfortunately, a short sale. I thought we were dealing well with the decision and sale of our home.  But, suddenly my husband is constantly angry and blaming about things other than the house, including me.  What felt like a strong marriage now feels like it is coming a part at the seams. Yesterday,  I was caught completely by surprise when I suddenly started to cry as a friend spoke of selling their house.  I feel like a huge failure.  What is happening to us?--Lost  [Click Here For Answer]

Why Won't This Emotion Stop?!

I am so sad, even since childhood. It is the predominate emotion I feel most of the time. I really don’t think that I am depressed, although medication relieved it somewhat. I’ve tried everything--therapy a number of times, workshops and various techniques. Still so sad. What is going on with me?--So Sad [Click Here For Answer]

 

Why Do I Want What I Can't Have?

Why do I always fall for guys who are not into me?

I meet someone and although he might not be a 100% match, I still want to give the relationship a try. When he dumps me, I feel sad and frustrated. The last guy who dumped me said he has a huge hole in his heart because he deeply loves another woman, but he can't have her. Then I meet someone with a good heart who really likes me, and even though I want to be with him, I can't get the other, unavailable guy out of my mind. I don't really care how the guy who likes me feels.  

Why do I want what I can't have?---Left Wanting [Click Here For Answer]

 

Grief: My Mind Is Arguing With Reality

Dear Don,

My elderly mother passed away about a year ago. My sister is

taking it quite well, but I am not.  I have attended a few grief groups and have cried buckets of tears, but I still wake up every morning thinking about calling her as I have done for years. Sometimes I actually pick up the phone and dial. I even hear the ring before I remember she is gone. My well-meaning sister is concerned about me. The tears keep coming. In truth, I still can't believe she's gone! I am angry about it. I blame myself for not doing more, and I catch myself daydreaming, "How could this have been different?" What is going on with me? --Going Round and Round, [Click Here For Answer]

Divorce Email Wars

Dear Don,

My ex sends the meanest, vilest, and most threatening emails about what an awful spouse I was. Now the children are hearing about it, too. I spend hours refuting what is said, line by line, and it is exhausting. It just doesn’t stop. What can I do?--Typed Out [Click Here For Answer]

 

 

Can This Weekend Getaway Fix Our Relationship & Sexual Problems?

Dear Don,

I am planning a surprise weekend getaway in two weeks. The kids are handled. The pets are handled. I even have a housekeeper coming on the weekend away so the house will be fresh for my wife when we get home. We have been having some hard times the past year, and the pressure has been so strong that I decided to do something about it. This is my reason for planning this trip. We haven't been sexual or very affectionate for the past six months, so I am nervous about being close this weekend. I know in the past I have been too aggressive and have blown things up, so I don't want to do that this time. How can I be more in control of the weekend? ~Taking Action Under Pressure [Click Here For Answer]

 

He Cheats and I'm Confused: Can I Trust Him Now?

Dear Don,

I enjoy your articles, and they inspire me to confront the issues that I face in my life and in my relationship. I feel totally lost and confused in my relationship. My fiancé wants us to get married in six months. We have been together for about six years, and it has been hard. Our feeling of love is so strong, and we depend totally on each other for support. He started cheating on me, and when I finally found out, I confronted him, and then I called it quits. After a few weeks, I begged him to take me back, but he said “No,” so I moved on with my life. Then, he begged me to take him back. It was too difficult to refuse, because I felt he had changed.

Now that we are preparing to marry, I am afraid that he has not changed, and that he is still cheating but I just haven’t caught him. I know that he loves me, but I feel uncertain. Because of his cheating my parents insisted that I stop seeing him, but I saw him anyway behind their backs. I am keeping our marriage plans from my parents, and I don’t feel good about lying to them. What should I do? I am so confused. ~Is Something Fishy? [Click Here For Answer]

 

I Don't Feel Emotionally Safe With My Husband!

Dear Don,

I want to establish some rules in my relationship so I can feel safer.  I often feel pressured to do things that I don't want to do, like being social with people I don’t enjoy and having to make love whenever my husband wants to.  I usually just go along with this, but I am just tired of it. My husband complains now that I close him out. I think if we had some clear rules about these things I would feel safer to be more open and available. Right now I feel numb when I think of him. Am I being unreasonable to ask for these rules? Thanks for your straightforward answer. ~Unsafe and Numb [Click Here For Answer]

 

She Teased Me, I Teased Her, She Blew Up!: What Do I Do Now?

Dear Don,

My wife and I banter back and forth in our relationship, and most of the time it is just good-natured kidding and playful "name calling." But last week on vacation she called me a "name" and I shot back calling her another "name" and she became very, very mad at me. So mad that the last two days of our long-awaited vacation was ruined because she stopped speaking to me! I apologized profusely, said I didn't mean it, but it took until we got home before she warmed up. There is still an uneasy distance between us. I didn't say anything to her that I had not said before. Do I just let this go to fade away over time, or do I talk to her about it? ~ Hurt and Bewildered [Click Here For Answer]

 

I Need To Shut UP, But I Can't!

Dear Don,

I need to shut up, but I can't. My sister and brother sat me down and confronted me about how angry I get at people when they disagree with me. They say that I am so opinionated that they have stopped wanting to be around me, because they get the impression that I think they are stupid. This is tough medicine to swallow. I spoke to my husband, who I thought loved my "spiritedness," and I was shocked to find out—after much prodding--that he, too, after ten years of marriage, had given up disagreeing with me about almost anything. I thought we were close. I really want to be loving with them. Sigh. I admit that I have passionate beliefs about many things, and I am proud of that! I don't have a high view of most people's intelligence these days. I can become very animated, but I had no idea my family felt this way. And, to my surprise, I have tried not to over-react and to keep my opinions to myself, and I just can't. Why can't I just shut up and move on?--Feeling Miserable [Click Here For Answer]

 

How Am I Suppose To Know What She Wants!

Dear Don,
Last week I started a birthday firestorm by giving my wife presents that not only did she not want, but she said they were insulting. This must have been a long time coming because we have been married for over 20. I feel bad about her birthday. But I am shocked and my feelings are hurt. Holiday season is a around the corner. We have not uttered a word about it since.  What am I doing wrong? ---Not Wanting A Doghouse For The Holiday [Click Here For Answer]


 

I Sit And Stare At The First Page!

Dear Don,

I am starting my own business, something I have never done before. To help me realize my dream, I have taken several visualization classes, and I am visualizing myself as already successful, thriving, and enjoying this independent life. I have practiced confidently introducing myself as the owner of my own business to new people I meet. Rather than feeling successful, however, I am nervous to the point of feeling shut down. I have invested in a very good step-by-step course on how to start your own business, but night after night, I procrastinate, sitting and staring at the first page. My self worth is in the dumps. I feel like a fake. How can I get going with this?  --Locked, Loaded, and Stuck [Click Here For Answer]