Some of the aliveness that you felt at the beginning of your marriage has faded into the background. Something is just different. The pressures and expectations you had of being the perfect spouse while marrying the perfect partner is starting to feel unbearable. You want relief from this pressure. You want your spouse to change. S/he wants you to change. You both are at odds with each others' feedback. You no longer know how you really feel. You are stuck in a gridlock of unmet expectations.

You may be surprised to hear that there is something going on here that is not about your partner nor about you: marriage, not your partner, is trying to teach you both lessons that you are refusing to consider and not committing to learn. The unique personal feedback system of marriage gives you far more specific, intense and and often accurate feedback about how you really behave when you are in a close, committed emotional relationship--that you nor anyone else but your partner can see.

The life-long conversation of marriage is trying to help you both see what direction you need to grow. But, you both resist it. "It isn't fair." "It isn't my fault." "If only they would." "It should not have to be this hard."

That is why the pressure is becoming so big and unbearable inside: you are refusing to learn what marriage is relentlessly trying to teach you. Are you ready to end your self-imposed resistance and open yourself to the relief and growth that your marriage is trying to give you?

Don Elium, MA MFT has completed the Gottman Marriage Therapy Level 1 and Level 2 Training from the Gottman Institute.

How To Build Trust In A Relationship by John Gottman

This therapy can help you:

• Learn to recovery from a disagreement and make things better than before the fight.

• Learn to understand and delay request for change only until the emotion has been discharged and both people feel understood from THEIR persepctive, with each viewpoint being respected.

• Restore your lost "sense of self" in the relationship through being direct about how you really feel and listening for what is actually happening with your partner.

• Identify fixable problems and perpectual problems and how to approach each differently in a prodcutive way.

• Eliminate internal negative imaginary conversations by having real talks with your partner.

• Respect and like yourself again IN the relationship.

• Get out of marital gridlock and be friends again, on the same side.

Don Elium, MA MFT has completed the Gottman Marriage Therapy Level 1 and Level 2 Training from the Gottman Institute.

Stop the old behavior that needs stopping! Learn something significantly new that works.

Progress, not perfection.

The next chapter of your marriage awaits you.

I hope I have the privilege to work with you soon.

Sincerely,

Don

Policy and Directions
Don Elium, MA MFT practices individual and couple counseling in his office in Walnut Creek, CA,

San Francisco Bay Area

Don Elium, MA MFT

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist MFC#28381 Individual & Couple Psychotherapy