Snoring--The Ultimate Intimacy Buzz Kill---TO THE MAX!?

If your partner chronically complains about your snoring, beware: s/he hates you.

—Don Elium

With being fat, comes snoring. My wife complained for many years that my snoring kept her awake. I tried to stop it by not snoring. Ahahahahahaha! As Dr. Phil might say, “How’s that working for you?” Well, BADLY.

Finally, after my wife gave me an ultimatum, I agreed to go to a doctor. The doc said to lose weight or to get a CPAP machine. He didn’t spend any time at all on the lose weight part. Can’t say it would have mattered back then, but when he said “possible heart attack”, it got my interest. He explained how apnea, a condition that can injure the heart over time, often accompanies snoring. Apnea causes a sleeper to stop breathing for short periods of time throughout the night. The stoppage of breathing, then the gasps that follow jar the heart ALL NIGHT LONG!

Suddenly my wife’s discomfort about my snoring fell to the background and my life came to the foreground. The CPAP machine arrived six weeks later. For ten years I have been blessed with deep nightly sleep, a wife who is not grumpy on my account, and better energy EVERY day. And this happened because of my wife’s persistent, simple, to the point, healthy complaints.

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Snoring is also the ultimate buzz kill of intimacy in the bedroom--and most importantly the friendship in the bedroom! Not the noise, but the keeping your partner awake on and off all night while you sleep and s/he doesn’t. S/he ends up hating you for it.  Really. S/he does. If your partner complains about your snoring, beware. Underneath lurks a great contempt and hatred toward you. It is a emotional relationship bomb ticking away.

The layer of emotional resentment and contempt that a partner of someone who snores has stored up runs deep and thick. So thick, that other relationship issues---lack of emotional and physical closeness, financial difficulties, parenting concerns etc.---can get buried underneath it. Many couples find so much more room to address these and other difficult topics when the chronic snoring stops.

Of course, marital and individual therapy cannot stop snoring. However, it can shine a light on how snoring has affected the people involved. Then the way is clear for a couple to dig into the neglected issues that must be faced. This frees each person and the relationship from important conversation shut-down. Resolution can occur or meaningful compromise can happen. Life can flow again.

How can you solve your chronic snoring problem?

Losing weight might help, but DON’T WAIT FOR THAT. Stand up and shout:

“I am tired of scaring my spouse, over-stressing my heart, being tired and not knowing why, AND being resented. Hey, Doctor! I need a CPAP MACHINE STAT.”

Sleep Apnea Defined

Sleep apnea (or sleep apnoea in British English; English pronunciation: /æpˈniːə/) is a sleep disorder characterized by abnormal pauses in breathing or instances of abnormally low breathing, during sleep. Each pause in breathing, called an apnea, can last from a few seconds to minutes, and may occur 5 to 30 times or more an hour.[1] Similarly, each abnormally low breathing event is called a hypopnea. Sleep apnea is diagnosed with an overnight sleep test called a polysomnogram, or “sleep study”.

There are three forms of sleep apnea: central (CSA), obstructive (OSA), and complex or mixed sleep apnea (i.e., a combination of central and obstructive) constituting 0.4%, 84% and 15% of cases respectively.[2] In CSA, breathing is interrupted by a lack of respiratory effort; in OSA, breathing is interrupted by a physical block to airflow despite respiratory effort, and snoring is common.

Regardless of type, an individual with sleep apnea is rarely aware of having difficulty breathing, even upon awakening.[3] Sleep apnea is recognized as a problem by others witnessing the individual during episodes or is suspected because of its effects on the body (sequelae). Symptoms may be present for years (or even decades) without identification, during which time the sufferer may become conditioned to the daytime sleepiness and fatigue associated with significant levels of sleep disturbance.

Now, let's get to it!

Don

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Or call 925 256-8282 Walnut Creek, CA San Francisco Bay Area